I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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