Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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