Who wears a wallet chain?!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize