You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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