Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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