is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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