i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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