i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
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as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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