I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
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Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
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When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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