cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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