I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize