Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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