Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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