i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
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Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
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Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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