Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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