So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
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what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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