She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
