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you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
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