Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.

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(603): you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics. http://tfl.nu/re5j

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out

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(412): I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out http://tfl.nu/59g7

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(905): View more from Toronto

found the other keg... it's in the tree

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(905): found the other keg... it's in the tree http://tfl.nu/nyfo

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(650): View more from California

Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss

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(650): Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss http://tfl.nu/9lml

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.

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(781): I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. http://tfl.nu/mkrc

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.

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(803): I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C. http://tfl.nu/06rr

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(914): View more from New York

The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"

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(914): The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner" http://tfl.nu/76ix

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(954): View more from Florida

Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.

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(954): Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America. http://tfl.nu/l7qb

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(303): View more from Colorado

It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.

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(303): It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet. http://tfl.nu/tf1g

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.

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(508): I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals. http://tfl.nu/elpv

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(703): View more from Virginia

We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.

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(703): We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day. http://tfl.nu/6fp1

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(510): View more from California

yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him

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(510): yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him http://tfl.nu/nlke

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(601): View more from Mississippi

He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.

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(601): He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT. http://tfl.nu/hra9

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(812): View more from Indiana

gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real

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(812): gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real http://tfl.nu/mhxe

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(609): View more from New Jersey

He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.

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(609): He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler. http://tfl.nu/dd1c

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