Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
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I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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