i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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