I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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