is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You're like the curious george of whores
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
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