At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize