Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
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God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
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I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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