I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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