when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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