Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize