your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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