I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
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The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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