my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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