please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize