remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Buhtt sex?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
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the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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