you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
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Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
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It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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