I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize