You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize