someone threw a dead crab at me
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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