found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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