i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uberlube is also flammable
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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