So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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