5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
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I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So much Jack, so little girl.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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