YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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