he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
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Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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