It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
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We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
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Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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