Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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