is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
did i walk over a car last night?
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Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
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You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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