If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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