i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
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I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
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You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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