You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
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i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
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He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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