FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
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I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
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Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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