Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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